Walking the Walk

Last night at dinner, my 8 year old daughter asked me if it was illegal for a black person to marry a white person.   It seems that one of the children in her school told her it was illegal.  (Are you kidding me!  I know I live in the south, but for crying out loud this just blew me away.) She seemed very puzzled and a upset about this.   Probably because 3  families we love are interracial and I think she was worried they were going to get in trouble.  Steve and I assured her that it is perfectly legal and no one was going to go to jail.  We also took the opportunity to remind her that God created ALL people in HIS image and it was WRONG to not like someone because of their skin color or where they are from.  She’d heard that before, but it seemed a good time to remind her.

I’m really glad she asked us about this – otherwise she might have gone around thinking it was true and told other people, too.  As a parent it made me happy that she comes to me with her questions.  And it reminded me that she’s always listening and watching what I do…so I better be walking the walk if I’m talking the talk.  She’s never heard me say anything even close to a racial slur.  I abhor racism and stress to my kids that they need to get to know someone before deciding to be there friend.  But, what about my faith walk?  When times get tough, do I slip back into old habits or show my faith in God?  I better, because the older she gets, the more she’s noticing.

Hot Spots

Several years ago, in an attempt to get my house in order, I discovered The Fly Lady. If you haven’t heard of her, she has a web site that helps people who live in CHAOS, Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome. Pretty much described – and most days still describes – me. I tried, I really did, but if I’m home during the day, I’m NOT wearing shoes that lace up all day. Sorry, but I would wear flip flops in December if I could. (And I DID this week because temps were in the 60’s!) She has some really good tips and ideas. One that has stuck with me is identifying Hot Spots in your house. Hot Spots are defined as “an area, that when left unattended will gradually take over”. I think everyone has those – that one spot in your house that gets piled up in the blink of an eye. I have 2 – the dining room table and a small portion of kitchen counter. I bet if you look around your house, you can find at least one. At least once or twice a day I find myself going through all the junk that piles up.

The concept of household Hot Spots started me thinking – are there Hot Spots in my life? Areas of my life, when ignored, can take over? Areas that would embarrass me if I anyone saw them? Well, yes. And Hot Spots in my life can be easier to hide.   The junk mail piling up is easily seen by anyone who comes in the door, but what about the junk piling up in my brain? The things that can be hidden from everyone – except God. He knows me inside and out. He knows my thoughts, my words and my actions – and the motives behind those actions. Did I really mean what I just said or did I say it because I thought it would make me look good? Did I offer to pick up groceries for a friend because I truly wanted to help or because I thought I should?

One of hardest Hot Spots to me overcome are my thoughts. I mean, they’re just thoughts! Thoughts can’t hurt anyone, right? Wrong – everything you do or say starts with a thought. The good stuff and the bad stuff. I have my share of mean, bitter, insulting, jealous and/or dishonorable thoughts every single day. Lately, I’ve had more time to analyze those thoughts and realize how destructive the can be…destructive to me and others. For example, spending too much time dwelling on how angry I am about something only produces more anger – it feeds the fire. Don’t misunderstand me, if I’ve been hurt by someone, it’s okay to be upset or angry in the moment. But once the moment has passed, my focus needs to be on forgiveness and reconciliation. The bitterness I feel eats away at me, not the other person. That person may not know that I’m upset, or they know and don’t care or they know but feel they were doing the right thing and I’m being unreasonable to be mad about it. Regardless, I have to choose to get over it for me, not for them. Bitter thoughts and hostility get between me & God and put distance between us. I don’t want there to be any distance between us – especially when I’m hurting. That’s when I need Him the most. But if I’m holding on to my “righteous indignation” tighter than I’m holding on to Him, I lose. Sitting around thinking about how I have been treated unfairly or daydreaming scenarios where “they get what’s coming to them” is not only futile, it’s dangerous. Futile & dangerous because I’m attempting to take control of the situation from God. Tried it and trust me, it doesn’t work.  

Getting control of how I think has not only brought me closer to God, but it’s changed my behavior toward others. This past week, Steve and I were both sick. It’s the same thing most everyone has – cough, congestion, feeling like you’ve been hit by a bus. On Tuesday morning when the alarm went off, I seriously considered asking Steve to get the kids to school – all I wanted to do was sleep. But I knew he didn’t feel any better than I did so I got up and got the kids going. As it turned out, Steve spent the whole day in bed. At first, I was pretty resentful. Not out loud of course, that would be really mean. But I couldn’t help but think that I would like to be in bed having someone else take care of me. When do I get a sick day!    I sat down and prayed for Steve and then God whispered in my ear, Steve can’t help being sick. Isn’t it nice to be able to be here to make him take his meds and be sure he’s okay? And Steve is worried about not working today, Catherine. He knows if he’s not working, there’s no money coming in. So how sick must he be to stay home? That got my attention and changed my attitude. The point? If I had been stewing about how “unfair” it was, I wouldn’t have heard God.  

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24

My Prayer for Today (and everyday)

Lord, You have blessed me beyond reason.  In spite of – or maybe because of – all the recent chaos in my life, I see Your hand in my life more than ever.  I truly am thankful for the time You have given me to just think and be and live.  Forgive me for using the excuse of being too busy to pray, call my friends, love on my kids – I now know what You value and what You want me to value.

Thank You for my husband – a Godly, loving man who loves me and is a part of me.  Thank You that he feels my pain and suffers with me and that he shares my joys and celebrates with me.

Thank You for my children – two precious gift that I asked for and too often take for granted.  I love them more than I ever imagined loving.  Help me to be the mother You want me to be and the mother they need me to be.

Thank You for my friends – my true friends.  Friends who let me cry on their shoulder; friends who let me vent my frustrations and don’t judge me for what I say in the heat of the moment;  friends who pick up my kids and love on my kids and teach my kids with the way they live their lives.

Thank You for all my family – parents, siblings, siblings-in-law, cousins, uncles, aunts, nieces, nephews…help me to honor them and not forget them just because I don’t see them every day.

And thank You for the trials you have sent my way.  I find myself at a place where I can see the value of those trials, the opportunity to learn and grow from the adversity.  I confess that I’ve been hardheaded and it was hard to get my attention – there’s the busyness rearing it’s ugly head again – but You have it now.  You have forever, because I don’t want to live another moment without You guiding my thoughts, words and deeds.

Show me the path where I should walk, O Lord; point out the right road for me to follow.  Lead me by Your truth and teach me, for You are the God who saves me.  All day long I put my hope in You. (Psalm 25:4-5)